I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
