Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
of course. lets lasso hookers.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
