Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
