I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
