I CAN MOONWALK!
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Randomize
