Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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