It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
