she's into porn, im staying here tonight
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
