well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
