all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
