the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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