I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
