I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
