I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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