Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
