i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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