i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
