I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
