made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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