His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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