i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
There's always time for handjobs
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Randomize
