I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
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We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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