Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
i've created a new STD.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
