wanna go halves on a baby?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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