i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
We got so high we made milksteak
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
