I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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