It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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