Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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