She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
