That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
