Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
