Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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