Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
