ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
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she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
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Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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