I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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