she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
