I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
they need to just BURY HIM!
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
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I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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