then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Randomize
