he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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