The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
