Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
