So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I want to be your penis for a week.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
