Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
