ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
