He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
