think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
