can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
