Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
