the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
