obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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