note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
