i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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