You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
