yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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