ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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