the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
