I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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