all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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