Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
