So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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