Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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