help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize