I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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