I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
